I want to make a zoo with you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
