I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
