I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
