areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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