He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
