turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Randomize
