No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
