I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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