When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
