for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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