You really coming over, don't trick.
it hurts more in the daytime
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
