There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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