I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
