It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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