i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
