Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize