If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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