That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will be naked everywhere
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize