Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
