I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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