Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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