Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
