bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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