I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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