R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
