Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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