put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
