I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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