I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
