sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my fart just growled at me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
