4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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