i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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