So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize