Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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