AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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