You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
