I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
