You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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