Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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