why didn't you poke me back
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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