Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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