I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
