So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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