i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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