Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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