He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
