I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
