i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this beer tastes like vomit already
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
