Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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