she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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