like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize