The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
