i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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