I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize