She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
