how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
