biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
