Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
