It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
