just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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