More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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