I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
