Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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