She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
