you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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