The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
