Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
