She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
