I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
