Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
