She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I FOUND THE LEGS
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