ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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