She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
