What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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