Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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