I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
