I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
