Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My vagina is very pro this idea
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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