this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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