You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
