Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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