Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
