love makes seman taste better
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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