im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
