ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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