He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
