jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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