Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
pray to the hookup gods
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
