Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
