How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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